


I Almost Do

by Madquinn13



Series: Teen Mom AU [13]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/F, mentions of former child abuse, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-20
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:51:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6909964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Madquinn13/pseuds/Madquinn13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I bet you think I either moved on or hate you<br/>'Cause each time you reach out there's no reply.<br/>I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you<br/>And risk another goodbye.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Almost Do

Oliver was lying on Laurel’s bed, rubbing Lexie’s back waiting for her to fall asleep. It was so much easier when he had the tv on but no he was told that TVs had to be off for nap and bed time. But at least he got to nap too.

“Do you want to talk about Mommy?” He asked trying to get her attention.

“No.”

“Okay. You know I’m here right? I’m not going anywhere.” Oliver smiled at her only to watch her hand go and smack him in the face. “Okay, no more talking. Sleep time.” Oliver watched her roll over and literally cover her ears. “Do you want me to leave the room?” Lexie nodded and he sighed. “Okay, just call out if you need me.”

Oliver took the TV remote with him because as he discovered Lexie knows what it is and how to work it, also how to always get a hold of it no matter how high it is placed.

He passed Sara’s room and saw that the door was open and she was just staring at the ceiling.

“Hey, you okay?” He asked leaning his head on the doorframe.

“I don’t want you to stay here. I get that you were trying to help out, even though Lexie knows her sitter and trusts her. I’m back and you need to leave.”

“You do know that abandoning your child looks really bad to the courts right?” Oliver asked crossing his arms over his chest. “Thanks to you, I will be guaranteed full custody.”

“Too bad you can’t get custody of a child you waved your rights too.” Sara literally pushed him away and shut the door.

“We could just ask her who she would rather. I mean she likes me.”

“She doesn’t like you, she just settled for you.” Sara snapped back. Oliver was about to retaliate when Lexie slammed Laurel’s door. “I’m going to go lie down with **my** daughter. Go home Oliver no one wants you here.” Sara brushed past him and went into Laurel’s room. She went straight to the bed and picked Lexie up. “I know you’re upset with me, and that’s fine but I am your Mom so you’re just gonna have to deal with it.” She stressed keeping the struggling seventeen month old in her arms. “Do you want to stay here or go back to **our** room?”

“No!” Lexie bit down on Sara’s arm. “Go!”

“I know I told you not to bite.” Sara grumbled watching thin lines of blood appear on her arm. “I get it, showing Mommy all your new teeth.” Sara let Lexie go watching her move to the other side of the bed. “I’m not going Lexie you’re stuck with me.” Sara caught a pillow that was too heavy for Lexie to properly throw and too big to even really hold completely. “I know what I did was wrong and I am so sorry baby girl but I’m not going away again so you better get use to it.” Sara just watched the infant get pouty and grumpy with her. “You want to nap alone or with me because no matter when you wake up, you’re stuck with me. So do you want me to lay down with you or do you want to nap alone?”

“’Lone.”

“Okay, I’ll see you when you wake up. We’ll figure out what to have for lunch.” Sara moved to kiss Lexie’s forehead but she moved away from her instead. “Sweet dreams sweetie.”

When Sara left the room Oliver was by the stairs now, clearly wanting to put space between them so Lexie could sleep without hearing them bicker.

“I’m the better parent Sara.”

“Ugh, just shut up. You’re not a parent. You aren’t even an uncle.” She shoved him not even thinking about their surroundings, she watched in slow motion as he fell back, trying to grab onto the railing to stop his fall, instead he just went down, hard. When he finally hit the bottom of them he didn’t move and Sara’s blood went cold. _I killed Oliver._ She ran down the steps, shaking him trying to get him to move or wake up or anything. “Oliver this isn’t funny! Stop being dramatic!” She smack his chest hard and he groaned.

“You tried to kill me.”

“No I didn’t. Who stands by stairs?”

“You tried to kill me!”

“You’re fine. Now get the fuck out of my house.”

* * *

 

Nyssa had just finished a sparring session at a local gym. Her opponent had to be carried off, some men just can’t handle a round kick to the head. Babies.

Nyssa was repacking her bag when her phone went off. More messages from Sara.

**Sara: Can you just call me so I can apologise? Or answer my calls.**

**Sara: Please Nyssa I’m so sorry**

**Sara: If you still want to, you can spend time with Lexie. She’d love it.**

**Sara: I thought I killed Oliver, I figured you’d like to know.**

**Sara: House arrest is boring.**

**Sara: Okay, I’ll leave you alone. I’m sorry, you deserve so much better.**

It was hard, she didn’t know what to do anymore. A part of her wanted to drive over to the Lance house, see Sara and Lexie but another part of her, the smart part of her, knew that it was a bad idea. But she was given a chance to at least see her baby girl. She wasn’t going to the house to get her, she wouldn’t face Sara, all it would take is to see her in person and she’d break and give in.

She could call Laurel, see when it wouldn’t be just Sara in the house. She’d even rather meet Oliver instead of Sara.

“ **Hey, Nys what’s going on?** ” Laurel answered, there was laughter in the background and water being splashed.

“I need a favor.”

“ **Sure, is Sara still bugging you? I mean she told me before about her plan to win you back, but I think that it is just constantly messaging and calling you.** ”

“She is, but she said that if I wanted I could take Lexie for a few hours, I was wondering if you knew when it wouldn’t just be Sara in the house, so I wouldn’t have to deal with her when I pick up Lexie.”

“ **Oh, I’ll just get Oliver to drop her off at your place if you want.** ”

“Thanks.” Nyssa answered heading to her car. “Just get him to ring the bell or call me when he’s there.”

“ **Okay, I’m glad you’re getting time with Lexie, maybe now you can see her on a regular basis.** ”

“I hope so. Where are you all now?”

“ **Some water park. They all mocked me for my boring looking water proof case, but who is the only one who can use their phone here.** ”

“I told you it was a good choice. Have fun I’ll talk to you later.”

“ **You too, enjoy your time with Lexie.** ”

* * *

 

“Laurel I am not taking her to that place!” Oliver yelled into the phone, ice pack held up to his head.

“ **You don’t get a say Oliver. Just drop her off, no one is asking you stay there. Just drop her off to Nyssa and go home. She’ll bring Lexie home.** ”

“I thought her and Sara were done.”

“ **They are. But Nyssa is still Lexie’s Mama so just drop her off.** ”

“Fine, for the record I think it’s a bad idea and I’m only doing this for you, when you get back, you owe me.”

“ **When I get back we’ll be spending time together. Just us.** ”

“I’ll book a suite.” He hung up and grabbed his car keys.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Oliver froze near the door.

“I have to go out for a bit Mom.”

“You can’t drive you might have a concussion.” Moria Queen pointed out.

“Then what should I do? I have to go!”

“Call a service. I’m sure whoever you’re meeting up with can wait a few minutes.”

“Fine, I’ll wait.” He sighed. He went into the living room and called up Tommy. “Hey man, I need you to come pick me up, but we need to take my car.”

“ **Are we getting pussy? I knew fun Oliver wouldn’t stay hidden!** ”

“No, I have to pick up Lexie and drop her off somewhere and your car doesn’t have a car seat!”

“ **So we’re driving around a baby…** ”

“Tommy, we just drop her off somewhere then we go wherever.”

“ **Let’s go to Vegas.** ”

“Tommy I told you already I can’t leave the city, I need to be there for Lexie at bed time. I promised Laurel. We video chat her.”

“ **Dude you have a bigger pussy than the stripper! Come on we need to party, it’s been forever!** ”

“Fine, we’ll see later on okay. No promises, it all depends on Lexie.”

“ **Fine. I get playing with her when we’re there, but Laurel isn’t even in the city.** ”

“She’s a pretty cool kid, you’ll see on the drive.” Oliver hung up and went out to wait by his car.

* * *

 

Sara was sat in the living room across from Lexie on the floor. The infant was in an adorable black t-shirt with a plaid button up on, it was bought the last time they went shopping, she wanted to dress like mommy.

Laurel had messaged her and said that Oliver was coming to take Lexie over to Nyssa’s, then before bed time Nyssa would bring Lexie back. So Nyssa and Lexie get their time together and she doesn’t have to see Sara to get it. Fine, she can deal with that. One thing about infants is that once they start talking, they constantly repeat what they hear.

“Sweetie what are you going to tell Mama when you see her?”

“Hi!”

“What else Lexie.”

“You’re pretty!”

“And?” Sara stressed, this was the fifth time they went over this, each time she was less confident.

“Hi!” The toddler grinned and Sara was positive that she was fucking with her based on that grin alone.

“Never mind Lexie. Can you just tell Mama that Mommy is very sorry? Please, just tell her that I’m sorry.”

“Cos you leaved?”

“Yeah, cos I leaved her with a poopy note.” Sara nodded. “Then I wouldn’t talk to her again. I was bad. Tell Mama that I’m sorry okay?”

“Mhmm.” Lexie answered before going back to her show, leaning on her Sock Monkey.

“Did you want to cuddle with Mommy?”

“No.”

“Why not Lex?”

“Mommy’s bad. Grandpa said you’re in trouble.”

“I am in big trouble.” Sara admitted.

They sat there, watching Bubble Guppies when Oliver knocked on the front door.

“Okay Bug, time to go see Mama. Now is there anything else you want to take with you?”

“Jimmy!”

“Sure babe you can take Jimmy.” Sara picked up the giant sock monkey and walked with her to the front door where she handed the Bubble Guppies backpack filled with everything as well as the giant stuffed monkey. “Just so you know, I’m texting Laurel as soon as you leave and Nyssa is going to text when you arrive. So if you don’t do what you said you would Laurel is going to find out.”

“Relax. We’re dropping her off to Nyssa, for whatever reason and then we’re having some boys time. I’ll be back by bed time for our usual routine.”

“ _Our usual routine_?” Sara questioned crossing her arms over her chest.

“Yeah, I tuck Lex in and we video call Laurel. We’ve done it every night since she went on her trip.”

“Well you don’t need to do that anymore Oliver, or come over. She’s my daughter. I can take care of her.” Sara’s voice was low, cautiously aware that Lexie was right next to them. “You ready to go see Mama Bug?”

“Yup!” She was practically bouncing she was so excited.

“Let’s go then, Uncle Tommy is in the car waiting to drive us over.” Oliver grinned at the little girl, scooping her up in his arm after putting the bag in the same hand as the monkey.

As soon as Oliver had Lexie buckled in, he jumped in the passenger seat and picked up his phone. “Ready to sing our song Lex?”

“Uh huh.”

Oliver looked over at Tommy before hitting play on their song. Within seconds Sing by Ed Sheeran started to play.

* * *

 

When Nyssa heard the doorbell go off she literally ran down the stairs, well she ran down the hall and literally jumped over the railing to the ground floor.

“Hey Princess.” Nyssa grinned as she opened the door and had Lexie try to jump into her room. “I missed you so much!” Nyssa squeezed her so tight.

“I mist you too Mama!” Lexie squeezed back. “Bye Ollie!” Oliver handed Nyssa the bookbag and the giant monkey.

“You can text Laurel and she can see that we came straight here.” He seemed so annoyed. “I’ll see you at bed time Lexie.” He smiled at her.

“No thank you, I want Mama.”

“Good bye Oliver, thank you for bringing her here, I’ll take her home.” Nyssa shut the door on him. “Now what do you want to do Lex? We have all day?”

“Bounce!”

“Okay, let’s go bounce.” Nyssa was glad that her mother was more emotionally stable than her, instead of say stabbing the bounce house she had it deflated properly and stored in the basement. Nyssa had set it back up when she had confirmation that she was getting Lexie today.

She watched as Lexie started jumping and then when she tried to do little tumbles but they weren’t anything like what they were meant to be. Nyssa is with her, not in the little house, it wasn’t big enough but just outside, offering hands and arms for whenever Lexie has requests, like ‘I wanna jump higher then this.’ And she puts Nyssa’s hand at that height.

Lexie bounced until she got tired.

“What would you like to do now baby girl?”

“Bubble Guppies!”

“Sounds perfect!”

“You can share Jimmy.” She informed her as if it was a very serious matter.

“Thank you.” Nyssa carried the over grown stuffed toy as Lexie marched over to where the tv was.

Once they were all settled, Jimmy included, Lexie leaned into Nyssa and whispered.

“Mommy is sorry. She said she’s a poopyhead to you.”

“Did Mommy tell you to say that?”

“Uh huh. Granpa said Mommy was bad and hurted her eye.”

“How did Mommy hurt her eye?” Lexie just shrugged. “What else did Mommy hurt when she was gone?”

“Her arms.” Lexie held up her own arms and showed where the marks were. “Ugly dots.” Nyssa bit her lip and nodded. ‘ _What did you do Sara._ ’ She thought looking over at the screen. “Mommy cries a lot. Cos she’s bad.”

Nyssa just smiled at her. “Mommy isn’t bad.”

“Uh huh. Grandpa said so, Mommy said so. Auntie Lor said so.”

“No sweetie, Mommy isn’t bad. She’s amazing. She takes care of you. She does so much and she tries to be strong. Mommy just made a mistake, I’ve done it too. Everyone makes mistakes Lexie, it doesn’t mean they’re bad, especially when they think they’re bad. When you go home I want you to give Mommy a big hug okay?”

“No.” Lexie pouted. “You do it!” Lexie ordered going back to her show.

* * *

 

Sara was sitting on her bed waiting for the delivery guy to come. There was nothing that she could really cook in the house so she used the credit card that her dad kept in the china cabinet. If he was going to keep her from going out then she was going to use his money to get her food.

Lexie was with Nyssa, Laurel was with her friends having the time of their lives, carefree, celebrating having the world just for the taking. She was the failure.

She kept ending up in the bathroom, staring at her father’s shaving kits. He bought the razor blades in bulk and they looked just like they did in the movies. She heard that if you keep it in hot water it doesn’t hurt, but she doesn’t know if it’s still or running and she thinks about doing it one on each wrist. She kept thinking about it.

She needed to stop thinking about it.

Didn’t she already hit rock bottom, she was almost sold into human trafficking, how much more can you fall from that? No, she was climbing up from the bottom, climbing up from the bottom meant not thinking about slitting your wrists with your father’s razorblades.

Sara took her second shower, trying to get the feeling of being clean back. She kept remembering bits and pieces of what happened, it usually ended with her either sitting on the shower floor crying or bent over the toilet vomiting.

She contemplated going into the liquor cabinet, pouring herself a drink. But she keeps deciding against it, she partied enough, those who say they need a drink to get through the day are the ones who need help, and she was trying to prove that she doesn’t need rehab, that after everything she went though she’s fine. A few injuries that might scar, she needed to google that but otherwise she was fine. No STIs to haunt her, no trauma (she kept telling herself), she was fine.

Sara stared at the mirror. “You’re a mess. Everyone is better off with you dead.” She muttered to herself picking up one of the blades, she brought it close to her skin, it wasn’t cold, but it wasn’t warm either.

She was interrupted by the knock at the front door. ‘ _Could you imagine being found dead by the pizza guy? That’s be embarrassing and he’s probably the same age as you. That could fuck him up for life. No, that’s just selfish Sara. Stop being so fucking selfish you bitch._ ’

She rolled her eyes heading downstairs. She opened the door, the guy was in her class.

“What happened to your eyes?”

“What kind of customer service is that?” Sara took the debt machine, she swiped the card and made sure he saw her hit 0 for tip amount. “Asking rude questions cost tips dumbass.”

“Whatever, I’m not the slut who ran off to fuck every deal in Central.” He got a kick for that comment.

“You fucker.” She slammed the door in his face after snatching her pizza from him. She opened it up and sighed. “Dumbass forgot my cheesy bread. Who takes a double decker box and only has one decker filled?” She ran out the door, barefoot trying to catch the dumbfuck before he left. “Hey! This isn’t my complete order!” She made it five houses down before she heard the beeping from the monitor.

* * *

 

Quentin came home to find Sara sitting on the kitchen floor, pizza box next to her, a smaller one above empty on the table.

Sara had a slice in her mouth and both hands rubbing her ankle above and below the monitor slipping fingers down past the straps.

“It hasn’t been on for twenty four hours Sara. How did you already break the rules?” He asked reaching down and taking a slice for himself before sitting down across from her. Dinah kept saying how important it was for the kids to feel like you were on their level when you talked to them. Frankly he thought Sara could use a reminder of who was in charge around here.

“The pizza guy forgot the cheesy bread. I had to chase him down.” Sara explained. “I forgot about the monitor.”

“You using pizza grease to try and slip it off?”

“Yup.”

“How is that working out for you Wile E. Coyote?”

“I’m not done.” Sara admitted taking a bite out of her current slice.

“Where is my favorite girl?”

“Lexie is with Nyssa, Oliver dropped her off.” Sara was use to the obvious favoritism, frankly Lexie was her favorite in the house as well, and in the world. “Why do you let him spend so much time with her?”

“Laurel talked me into it. She kept quoting parenting books about routines and stability and I know, Queen is the farthest thing from any of that but he can fake it pretty well. It is just temporary until Laurel’s back, or well less I guess now that you’re back.” He drummed his fingers on his leg. He wasn’t good with this and sadly he was the best when compared to Dinah.

“Yeah I don’t want him back.” She stressed.

“Okay. Fine by me.” Quentin watched as Sara attempted to slip it off. “That isn’t going to work. All that will do is to make your ankle break out.”

* * *

 

Laurel slipped away from her friends. She went into the drug store, bought the item and now was trying to get Oliver on the phone because fuck him if he thinks he doesn’t have to suffer with her.

“ **Hey how’s everything?** ” He sounds drunk and that is just the last thing she wants to deal with.

“I just had to buy a pregnancy test because someone forgot the one fucking rule we have about sex!” Laurel hissed into the phone wishing so hard to smack him through it.

“ **What?** ” From shitfaced to sober in zero point five seconds. “ **I never fucked your ass!** ”

“The other rule!”

“ **I’m not sleeping around!** ”

“You didn’t use a fucking condom! I’m late and waiting for the test results so guess what you have to suffer with me!”

“ **Hang on, let me head somewhere quiet.** ” Laurel listened to the music fade. “ **Okay, what are you blaming me for?** ”

“I’m late.”

Silence. The empty silence that was so loud it shook windows.

“ **Like late-late?** ”

“That’s the one.”

“ **Are you sure?** ”

“Ninety seconds away from a sure.”

“ **Okay. Well, I mean.** ”

“We’re not making plans until its done. No what ifs.”

“ **Okay. What do you want me to do? I mean you called for a reason right?** ”

“I want you to suffer for the two minutes like I have too!”

“ **How much longer now?** ”

“Fifty.”

“ **So are you having fun with your friends?** ”

“Not nearly as much as it sounds like you and Tommy are.”

“ **It’s not a big deal. Just a small afternoon party.** **Sara pushed me down the stairs at your house. I don’t think I’m welcomed there anymore. Even Lexie told me not to come for bedtime. She wanted Nyssa too.** ”

“You sound so bitter. What is your problem with Nyssa?”

“ **She’s isn’t anything to Lexie! She shouldn’t be left alone with her! I mean what do we know about her.** ”

“She’s my friend and Lexie’s other mother. It doesn’t matter what your issue is with her.” Laurel was going to go on again but stopped when the timer on her phone went off. She looked at the plastic stick and literally shouted in glee. “It’s negative.” She hung up the phone then, grabbed the bottle of wine she walked in with and walked out. “Time to party!” She shouted to the hotel room fill with girls slightly drunker than her.

* * *

 

Nyssa had never been nervous before in her life and she literally had been in fights to the death as a child. But standing on that front doorstep to the Lance home, Lexie in her arms half asleep, bag of Fro-Yo in the hand with that stupid stuffed monkey, she was terrified.

Quentin opened the door and took Lexie right away and invited her in with a quick Sara is up in her room don’t worry. Nyssa always liked him.

“We got ice cream.” Lexie mumbled into her grandfather’s shoulder.

“We did. It was her idea.”

“It for tomorrow!” Lexie seemed to want to make that very clear.

“She told me what your favorites were although I think they might be her other favorites as a way to get more for herself.” Nyssa explained taking out the four containers so they were easier to fit in the freezer.

“Four?”

“Sara’s. It has the cheese cake bits.” Nyssa answered awkwardly looking anywhere she could where a pair of eyes wouldn’t be able to look back.

“That’s nice of you.”

“Lexie’s idea.” Nyssa shrugged.

“No it wasn’t!” Lexie piped in. “Mommy bad! Bad mean no teats!” Nyssa sighed before leaning over to kiss the toddler on her the top of her blonde hair.

“Fink.”

“You pink!” She stuck her tongue out before raising her arms up to her. “Bed.” Nyssa looked to Quentin who shrugged. Nyssa sighed and took her back.

“Fine.” She only just made it out of the kitchen when she saw Sara at the base of the stairs.

“I-I thought you were gone. Sorry. I-Sorry.” Sara was already back up two steps when Lexie called out to her.

“Mommy bed!” Nyssa went to lay Lexie down but the toddler was having none of it so Nyssa knew she had to physically go next to Sara and pass her Lexie. So she did and of course Sara still smelled like Sara. Nyssa saw the black eye and she was torn, she wanted the names of who caused it, but she always just wanted to pull Sara into her arms and kiss it away, all the pain all the torment that was now in the blonde’s eyes.

“Good night Lexie, I’ll see you soon okay?” Nyssa spoke as soon as Lexie was in Sara’s arms, the arms that were now flawed, like Nyssa’s owns and yet still seemingly perfect.

“No! Mama bed too!”

“No-she” Sara started, trying to spare Nyssa the obligation.

“No-I” Nyssa spoke at the same time as Sara, trying to keep the pain to a minimal for Sara.

“Yes! Both!” Lexie demanded and each teen sighed before looking at each other.

“You take her.” Sara spoke. “You deserve it more.”

“She wants you.” Nyssa stressed.

“Both!” In the end neither one knows exalty what was said between them, but they both walked with Lexie, up to Laurel’s room (she still refused to go into Sara’s) a change into pjs, five stories and about twenty hugs and kisses later Lexie was fast asleep and they both walked out of the room together.

“I, I still a few of your shirts. If you want to take them now.” Sara spoke pointing to her room.

“Yeah, yes. Okay.” Nyssa could barely hear Sara over the sound of her own heartbeat. She wasn’t sure why she followed Sara into her room, why or how the door ended up closed but the next thing she knew, she had Sara up against the wall and all she could taste was the blonde, feeling her under her hands.

She missed this.

She craved this.

She couldn’t do this.

Nyssa broke the kiss and she saw the hope in Sara’s eyes and it killed her to be the one to crush it but she had to.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I don’t know why I did.” Nyssa admitted stepping back and away from the blonde, the drug, the addiction. Everything that Nyssa knew was bad for her, that she shouldn’t have or want anymore. But she did. Fuck did she ever want it.

“It’s okay.”

“No it isn’t. What you broke. It can’t be fixed Sara. Not with I’m sorrys. I can’t trust you. You-do you know what you did? Did you even care?” Nyssa asked and she felt the stinging in her eyes and she hated that. She would not give Sara the satisfaction of knowing what effect she had on Nyssa. No one was in control of Nyssa beside Nyssa. And Yuliya when Nyssa had to take strong pain medications. But not Sara Lance! Nyssa didn’t want to hear an answer from Sara. She couldn’t. No matter what it was, she would break and she would crumble. “There will never be anything between us again. You made that choice and you have to live it.” Nyssa managed to get out. “Keep the shirts, I don’t care.”

Sara just watched Nyssa leave. She wanted to chase after her, to tell her why she did what she did but she couldn’t move, she couldn’t speak. Nyssa was right. It couldn’t be fixed. She smashed it all to bits.

Sara Lance ended up falling asleep on the floor, leaning against the wall clutching a tank top with some Russian letters on it and what looked like a soccer ball on it. Quentin doesn’t have the heart to put it away when he carried Sara over to the bed after checking on her.


End file.
